FEMALES REJOICE!
Written by: "Scoop" Palazzo
August 5th, 2008
DUDYNSKY IS FIRST WOMAN MADNESS CHAMPION,
MASTERS COME UP LAME
It was bound to happen sooner or later.
We've had finals showings with Alyson Pouls in Pig Madness I & Laura Brunner in Pig Madness III, but no cigar. But after 3 tries, a woman has finally taken home the ultimate summer prize: $1,000 and Pig Madness IV champion. And, in a Madness that had the biggest turnout ever, it's a mighty fine accomplishment. In a tournament filled with a playoff field filled with rookies and 1st time playoff veterans, what a better time to have a female at the top of the mountain?
Natalka Dudynsky made history last weekend. She did it by playing a steady hand throughout the day. She did it on guts & determination. She did it with focus. And most importantly, she didn't get rattled when faced with adversity. With all the twists and turns that make for playoff pig tossing, she never flinched. Down 3 games to 2 in the finals against Tom Wiseman, she won 2 unanswered games to finally put away the pre-conceived notion that women were underdogs in a Pass The Pigs Tournament. Sure, we had Sam Ross years ago winning a couple of masters titles, but she was a dirisive force--a divider of the genders who despised the men she played with. Natalka, on the other hand, is the perfect champion---a woman in a league that, after years of resistance, changed face and closed the gender gap. A woman that all men can respect. A woman that, while attractive, is known for her fantastic pig playing rather than the size of her breasts. A woman in a league that it doesn't matter what sex you are. And I couldn't be prouder.
A PATHETIC MASTERS SHOWING
The 11 men that make up the Masters division however, have nothing to be proud of, with a combined record of (57-59) and only 1 playoff qualifier. Only 2 had winning records, and 3 of them didn't even bother showing up (more on that later). Defending champion Meyer was too busy partying to realize that he finished a horrible 7-10 & was out of it before 4 o'clock. Rago proved once again that, even with help, hosting the Madness & trying to play is just too much to handle. Williams was his usual awful self, extending his never-to-be-broken streak of 9 playoff shutouts. Cosh was only heard from when keeping score & drawing playoff brackets. Vergos competed a bit, but fell short of the playoffs, a major disappointment considering his Madness II victory and recent Semi finals appearance in the '08 Masters. Derango was filled with hot air and little else, not only finishing with a losing record, but emptying his wallet further by losing every side bet to Day along the way. And, speaking of the devil, Perry Day was absolutely atrocious, starting the tourney 3-9 and showing that winning masters tournaments doesn't mean shit on this big stage. Autograph Mike was the only master who made the post season, and he was bounced in the first round. When one looks back on Pig Madness IV, he'll be more remembered for his pie throwing than his pig passing.
And what of the other 3 masters, the famed "San Diego" guys? I'm not even going to waste much ink on the topic, but the fact that Breen, Walsh & Carmody didn't attend is an absolute disgrace and a slap in the face to everyone who came out this year, especially Meyer & Day, who trekked across time zones and spent plenty to attend, with the effort put forth partly because they expected to see & party with the SD crew. Why did they not show up? The reasons given (at least from the 2 that even bothered to offer one) were work related, but when the tournament was planned out 3 months in advance, this is not a valid excuse. For Walsh & Carmody, this is their 2nd absence in a row, a truly unforgivable offense that could lead to their Masters dismissal. As for Breen, this writer's theory is that his recent squeeze/fiance might have his testicles locked in a vice, as it's very apparent to everyone that he's not the same man that he was before they met. But, as with all new things, one hopes that over time that this will fade and he will put his balls back in his pants in time for Madness V. Only time will tell..............................
BIGGEST TURNOUT YET--ANOTHER SMASHING SUCCESS
The bottom line, dear reader, is that this years Madness was the biggest & best one yet. 36 players participated (a record) and the organization was by far the best when compared to all events prior. The catering was fantastic. The start and end times were perfect, with the ending coming well before dark this year. And, while this writer & the fans of Pig Madness enjoy veteran players & big names, it is refreshing to see so many new faces in the playoffs this year. As this writer explained in a previous column, anyone can take this thing. Congratulations once again to Natalka, who deserved this title & will now be known for something only others can dream of. When it comes to this tournament, there are no rules or status quo - only booze, drugs, sex, fun, and pigs.
And that, my friends, is why they call it "Pig MADNESS"
