MASTER DISASTER!! Williams' Pig Passing a DISGRACE to the game!
by Sal "Scoop" Palazzo February 24, 2010
Respect in the Madness? Not quite. "Gary Williams? Who the hell is that?" one blonde female from the Pig Madness IV tournament asked. "Oh wait, was that the guy who got hit with a pie?" It's gotten so bad that last year he was even cited as being a possible source for Swine Flu! (click HERE to read the story)
THE RECORD SPEAKS FOR ITSELF--A PATHETIC DECADE
During his record decade of futility, Williams has accumulated numerous negative accomplishments. To start with, the man has:
Never made a playoff appearance in NPPL history. And yes, this includes, Masters, Madness tournaments (both east & west) and The Tag Team Invitational. For the record, he is the only Master to be shut out of a playoff tournament.
Has never had a winning record in any NPPL tournaments involving a playoffs.
Has finished in last place for the past 3 Masters tournaments in a row, a record that will be hard to beat. In fact, he even took former Master & recently reinstated Jeff Schwartz down the tubes with him, as they finished last in the 2009 "Invitational" tournament, making Schwartz wonder whether or not his return the NPPL was worth the trouble.
Think after all this negative press that it couldn't get any worse? Well, dear reader, it actually does. In a season that will go down in the record books & probably never be broken, in his 2nd year of his last place Masters streak, Williams managed to hit a record for futility with a 5-25 regular season Masters record in 2008. In a game of luck and chance (and one that a 7 year old can play), somehow he managed to finish 20 games below .500 in a 30-game regular season. "Fuck, I could TRY to finish 5-25 and it wouldn't happen" former master Matt Breen said over a beer recently. That guy truly fucking sucks at Pigs. How the hell could he be so bad??"
A CHANCE AT REDEMPTION
However, in the beautiful game of Pass The Pigs and the beauty that is the NPPL, Williams still has a chance to break his streak of futility. This week, he will be playing in his 12th Masters tournament, where all of the recent past will be irrelevant once the pigs are thrown. He will also be helped by the weak field this year, one in which 3 of last seasons 4 finalists (Day, Autograph, and 2009 champ Adam Meyer) will not be playing, as well as 5 of the past 6 champions of the modern Masters era. Only 2005 champ Mark Rago will be in attendance this time out. In their place will be a bunch of rookies & 2nd year half-assed Masters that have never won anything. With only Rago, John Coscia, Johnny Derango and Bill Vergos having much recent playoff experience, Williams surely has the potential to finish in the top 4 of the 8 contestants in order to finally gain a post season berth, and he even has a home field advantage. But this has been said before each year when new members play, and for the past 3 years, Williams has finished ahead of no one.
I must state for the record that I wrote this column not to bash Williams, but to merely state the facts & statistics. As a person & player, I respect the man greatly, and with Day's absence from the Masters this year, Rago & Williams will be the only 2 players to have been involved in all 12 NPPL Masters tournaments. Rago & Williams. 1 and 2. They've been there since the beginning. Way back in 1998. The irony of that is they directly mirror 2 other young college quarterbacks that, in the very same year, went 1 & 2 in the NFL draft. One, Peyton Manning, has gone on to win multiple MVP awards, won a 2006 Superbowl, and is shattering every NFL passing record in front of him. This is a mirror image to Mark Rago's Piganapolis 500 dominance, his 2005 Masters title, his consistent playoff appearances, & growing the Pig Madness events and the NPPL league itself to levels never thought possible.
And that other quarterback that was drafted 2nd, who's NFL career bears a striking resemblance to Gary Williams NPPL stats?
Ryan Leaf.
Los Angeles, CA --- Gary Williams is an original NPPL founding member. As of Saturday, he will be one of only 2 players to be involved in every single sanctioned NPPL event ever held. He's responsible for the creation of the pig rink, talks a lot of smack, and has spearheaded major interest in the growth of the sport.
He's also the worst pig passer in the game today.
While others have won championships, Williams offers lots of insults and little else. He's had so little success in the past 9 years of the NPPL that he's an afterthought to many, a running joke to everyone else. "There really isn't much to say about him. He sucks, plain and simple" said one anonymous Master. "The only reason we keep him around and in the Masters tournament is because he's a roster spot & easy money. Plus, we need him to book the hotel room every year when he finishes last".
A "PIG-OUT" - A roll Williams is very familiar with.
"BAD PIGS" - A roll that lands between the pigs' back and side... or a term used when mentioning Williams' game.
PLAY AS CONFOUNDING AS IT IS REALITY
Now to be fair, Williams does have a title to his credit, winning the 2000 Masters tournament. This cannot be taken away from him. But that was in a long gone era, one where one only had to win 10 games for a title. In fact, aside from Mark Rago, no one involved in the 2010 NPPL Masters tournament was around to witness it. It's so far removed from the modern NPPL that it was almost a different league (it wasn't even called the NPPL yet!). He also was the first Double Leaning Jowler thrower, but this was during a scrimmage in Arizona, not in an event that counted - and it was way back in 1999! The truth of the matter is, when under pressure, Williams folds like a house of cards. It's this writer's theory that his shit pig passing has gotten in his head and, much like a deer in headlights, he can't handle pressure situations. It's also my opinion that he's been too busy trash talking Mark Rago & Perry Day over the years, both of whom have zoomed by him in terms of NPPL success & relevance. Fact of the matter is, a pig passer is only as good as his game, not his image.
11 years ago in happier days after rolling his rare claim to fame... The Double Leaning Jowler.
Williams' game is so bad, he resorted to throwing himself in the mud so he could get a better feel for Pigs. It didn't work. Click here for more...
Bad football... Bad PIGS...
The Landlord of Last Place
